If one more person makes plans with me only to sleep through them I might actually go on a murderous rampage (but not actually). And then of course I am going to be sent to jail. Or is it juvie? I mean I’m 17, but 17 year-olds can sometimes be tried as adults. I guess maybe it depends on the caliber of a crime and the amount of people affected. I don’t think I’d get the death penalty, just regular adult jail at the worst probably.Assuming the worst-case scenario, I’m going to jail. I don’t think the isolation would get to me too much, I mean alone time is pretty cool. If it gets to be too much I guess I can get a job peeling potatoes or printing license plates or something to get out of my cell every now and then. I’ve never really had a problem with a bit of manual labor. The real problem with me going to jail is the fact that I am not even five ft. tall and despite my age I look like I am about 12 years old, maybe 14 on a good day. Now whether you’ve seen one of those lockup documentaries or scared straight programs on TLC or A&E or whatever it is the kids are watching these days or not, I’m sure everybody knows what happens to 12 year-olds that get sent to prison. It involves scary cellmates and allusions to soap. Yeah, that’ll definitely be another problem. I don’t want to be someone’s b!&#h. I’m fine with the occasional good deed so long as I am doing it by choice, but I really don’t want some 6’3 masculine looking woman with tattoo sleeves pinning me against the wall and breathing down my neck to go wash her socks. And keep in mind this is just jail life. What happens once [if] I get out? If you commit crimes with the impression that employers and colleges are just waiting to provide ex-convicts like yourself with education and employment you are sadly mistaken.Needless to say, I’m going to be insolvent. The most realistic assumption I can make is that I’ll end up on the streets. Considering the reputation I’m going to have at this point, I’m probably getting involved with some sketchy people and heading back to jail before I can even experience a full year of freedom. That’s okay for the time being though as it’s a perfectly good way to levant from the streets. The problem is going to be facing my debts upon my return. With respect to how deep I’m going to be in by now, it’s safe to assume that my overall behavior will be close the very antithesis of legalism. At this point, I’m just going to end up a victim of our country’s pathetic prison cycle and spend the next thirty or so years of my life split between the streets and the state pen. I’ll be in and out of the county courthouse to be tried on ridiculously legalistic charges so many times that I must get some type of frequent flyer card. Given, this amount of time may allow me to gain some respect and boost my reputation within the community; I can’t see myself staying alive in such an environment for more than about thirty years if I’m lucky. And you can bet your @$$ that I am not going to die peacefully. No, I will meet my end in a cataclysm of alcohol, violence, and hard drugs. So there you have it. Keep me off the streets; stop sleeping through your commitments.
This is a very interesting transition into your main point. I enjoyed your sarcastic tone throughout the post. While it is a common slang to say you will kill someone when angry, the actual consequences are overlooked. Although it is said nominally, it is a very serious threat. To recapitulate, this was a very entertaining post.
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Kyle Chiger
1/19/2015 02:24:31 am
Sydney, you have inspired me to want to peel potatoes if I ever had to serve time in prison. My mom always makes fun of me when I try to peel potatoes, so I feel as though this would be a good time to improve my skill. But on a more serious note, this post has very entertaining to read; you had a clear tone throughout, and it kept me wanting to read. I agree with Alicia's point that when you say you will kill someone when angry, the actual consequences are disregarded. Overall, this was very comical, but you were able to nonchalantly bring up very great points.
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Eric Liu
1/30/2015 05:35:41 am
I find your humor very entertaining, especially with the comedy placed in with the more serious of points. However, the most entertaining part of your piece was probably the analysis of what would happen afterwards. The veracity of your piece was also a bonus.
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SydDawg
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